What can we as individuals do when the cares of our loved ones are not what we would like to see?

This is a serious consideration since we all have expectations as to the type of care that we expect for our loved ones.  Many families have been fractured and trust has been broken by the actions/ decisions of another family member. For example, if one of the siblings helping with mom’s cares thinks it best to put her in a residential home and presses the other siblings into this same thought, but you know that your mom has never wanted to leave her home just to be cared for. What is the right answer?

Although I may not have the right answer for this issue, may I suggest that you hold a family council. This needs to include everyone in the direct family, unless Power of Attorney or Guardianship is assigned to another relative. If that is the case then the person given this right to protect mom needs to be the one to conduct the council and express the wishes and desires of mom.  In the council, each person gets to know directly the desired care and the opinion of each person involved.

In God we trust; all others cash

Remember to communicate your concerns with love, health, safety and respect for each person on the council as this allows for a more productive council and ease of involvement for everyone included.  This type of council will be successful when each person feels heard and involved. And although it is sometimes impossible to get everyone on the same page it will reduce the chance of a fractured trust between family members.